When I had my first baby, I
experienced a pride and joy that I had never felt before. A deep swelling in my
heart that I didn’t know was possible. Kind of like the Grinch who stole Christmas,
where his heart grows two sizes that day. It felt indescribable to fall in love
with this beautiful, red shriveled up, baby with a head full of hair that stood
up like a chicken. He was the most beautiful being I had ever witnessed! I still feel this way about my son, he is a beautiful being with a kind and
loving heart and soul.
The miraculous thing is that
I felt this way with the births of each of my daughters and then I felt it all
over again when I've been blessed to be a witness to the birth of both my
Grandson and my Granddaughter.
There’s a reason we have
these intense feelings. Because being a mother is intense! Along with babies
come intense emotions, love, joy, sadness, fear, disappointment, anger, pride,
you name it. It is the most important job on the planet, in my humble opinion. Whether your children are your biological
children, adopted children, nieces, nephews or your plants or animals, feelings
are intense, because we care so deeply. If we didn’t care, if we didn’t love,
it wouldn’t hurt. If it doesn’t hurt, we might not learn the lesson in front of
us. That’s just the way we humans are. Some of us need to touch the fire
multiple times before we learn that it’s hot and painful and to treat it with
respect.
Yesterday, I was listening to
Dr. Wayne Dyer’s PBS special on Living the Tao, and he said that children don’t
come into the world for us. They come
into the world through us. Each of us
and our children have an inner connection to a greater source, to God, to a
higher power or whatever you want to call it. I personally agree that we are all connected to this higher power,
and to each other. Just like the roots of trees in a forest. Our roots keep us
strong and protected. But I also believe because we are all interconnected,
that it feels like children bring special gifts for us too.
Our children teach us key
skills like love, courage, compassion, compromise, and connection. We learn of
ourselves through relationship to others. We are hard-wired for social
connection. Our social connection supports us when we do stupid things.
Notice I said when we do stupid things. Who hasn’t done
something stupid and hurt a loved one? Who hasn’t been hurt by a loved one?
Maybe you said you were going to show up for something and you didn’t. Maybe
you weren’t present when really needed. Maybe your job or personal ambition
interfered. Maybe something worse happened.
When this happens what do you
do? We have two choices. We can stay stuck in the Dreaded Drama Triangle or we
can choose a different dynamic. We can stay stuck in pain, anger and fear. Or
we can create, coach and challenge each other.
The latter is based on a
coaching and spiritual model. I believe we are spiritual beings having a
physical experience. I believe that our spirits live on after death. This is
the only way I can love and work with my clients that may not outlive me. It’s
the only way that I can make sense of my loved ones who’ve already left us. It
helps me not only survive, but to thrive. My heart goes out to my loving Mother
Sisters who have lost sons and daughters.
If we didn’t love, it wouldn’t hurt.
It's easy to get stuck in the Dreaded
Drama Triangle. Our negative news and biased news stations fuel this fire. Our country has become politically polarized. We've become fearful and intolerant of other viewpoints. We have seemingly opposite opinions, without the
skill or capacity to hear one another. We fall into a vicious cycle of feeling or
acting like a Victim, a Persecutor and/or a Rescuer. We often play all three roles within the same scenarios. Think of this with 3 small children. There is always
an odd man out. Two will get along fine, the third often feels like a third
wheel. Mom and Dad are often the rescuer for the victim, and/ or the persecutor
when they scold a child, or may themselves feel like the “victim” when children misbehave.
How do we stop the drama triangle? Focus on where you want to go with The Empowerment Dynamic. Instead of
focusing on what’s wrong, focus on where you want to go. Recognize that we
have free will. We can continue to do
what we did; and subsequently get what we got. Or we can create change. Instead
of staying stuck in the Victim role we become the Creator. We consciously change course. We create our future.
We move from the Persecutor
role to the Challenger. Again, if we didn’t care, if we didn’t love, it wouldn’t
be so challenging would it? Instead of persecuting each other, we challenge
each other. We recognize this as an opportunity for growth. This gives us
motivation to work through the muck.
Instead of taking sides and
creating a senseless war where no one wins. We move from the Rescuer role to
the Coach. This can be particularly challenging when you are dealing with a sick loved one, your spouse or your children. If you want a strong foundation, you need deep strong roots. The Coach can be each other as accountability partners, or it can be a
professional coach or therapist. Sometimes, we get so stuck in the Rescue role that we may need to hire a coach to guide us through.
The same is true when it
comes to your health. You can feel like a Victim of your diagnosis or dis-ease.
You can stay focused on your pain, your label and your limitations. Or you can
become the Creator. Commit to the first step in my seven-step process and
take an honest personal assessment. You then become accountable and can consciously
choose to create change. One small step at a time. No one accomplishes big
things by doing big things. Children don’t come out of the womb running. We
take baby steps, one day at a time. We build huge buildings one brick at a time.
Our coaches keep us consistent until we wake up one day and recognize the
progress we’ve made.
What can heal our families, our politics, and ourselves? A Mother’s love.
If your Mother was unable to
demonstrate this, have compassion for her, then create the Mother yourself. Our
families can demonstrate both; where we want to go and where we don’t.
In being the Creator, will
you choose to mother your own body? Will you choose to treat yourself with unconditional,
unyielding love? Become conscious of every thought and action. Ask yourself, is
this (belief, thought, action) based on fear or love? This, is the most loving
thing you can offer your spouse, children, family and friends.
With these musings, I wish
every one of you a Happy Mother’s Day!
With Love, Lisa
About Lisa Jackson, RN, CHC, RYT-500, AFMC
Lisa is an author, functional nutrition and functional medicine trained health coach, yoga teacher, and retired Registered Nurse with the mission to "Inspire, Educate and Empower" individuals and corporations to achieve optimal health.
When she is not coaching, or speaking, you can find Lisa joyfully sharing Carpe Diem Dance or playing with her two grandchildren. She is the mother of four adult children and believes, "Optimal health should not be a secret."
Lisa is an author, functional nutrition and functional medicine trained health coach, yoga teacher, and retired Registered Nurse with the mission to "Inspire, Educate and Empower" individuals and corporations to achieve optimal health.
