Exercise in Faith

Healing from Within... personal journeys

January 28, 3:45 AM Fountain Hills, Arizona  Yes, my daughter has cancer, the unthinkable in her otherwise healthy beautiful body.  My great friend Gretchen who is so generously sharing her spare bedrooms with us and her wisdom says that we pick our journeys and challenges in this life in order to learn the lessons we need to learn.  So I've decided to join my daughter in writing a blog to attempt to share this personal journey in the hopes that others may benefit from our lessons learned.  This, and the fact that is is cathartic to write and marvel at the growth we are experiencing as we work to heal from within. 

I am continually amazed at my daughters gift of writing as I read her blog www.stealingyourthunder.blogspot.com.  Her writing not only exhibits her humor and cleverness it also portrays her strength, courage and willingness to share her own vulnerability.  To understand the importance of vulnerability see this link on Dr Brene Brown on Teds Talks http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I rolled over this morning and felt the familiar aching in my body that signals where I hold my stress and emotional trauma, pushed my hips and spine back into place and rubbed my chakras as I said a prayer of thanks for surviving yesterday's trauma.  (You see, I too, am learning so much about healing from within.  At 52 years old, I am hopeful that Dana's structural Integrative Therapist may actually be able to finish straightening the spine that my yoga has been loosening up.  and Yes, Gretchen and my Yoga guru Rolf Gates are opening me up to the world of chakra's and energy portals within our bodies. This experience, along with others this year, is opening me up to a spiritual practice that has been sorely lacking.

This entire journey, has been an exercise in faith and a constant reminder that I am indeed powerless.  It has also been a reminder to me to listen and trust my inner intuition, something I have too often ignored in my lifetime.

We are in Arizona, partly because my heart and my gut were screaming at the thought of Dana undergoing conventional chemotherapy and radiation therapy.  It is a huge leap of faith  and a testament to Dana's courage to be here.  You see, Dana has The 2% of cancers that is deemed "curable" in conventional medicine.  "curable" means still breathing in five years and one day from now and often at a cost of future long term side effects like other leukemias, breast cancer, damage to heart, lung, thyroid, etc...  Conventional medicine often fails to acknowledge or address the cause of the disease it merely treats the symptoms.  (Which is why so many cancers return despite "treatment"). Yesterday, however, I was eternally grateful for  conventional medicine and the wondrous prompt response of our emergency medical system.

Yesterday, Dana completed two weeks of a combination of alternative and somewhat conventional treatments at An Oasis of Healing and wanted to celebrate with a little "retail therapy".  (Again, read her blog to get a more thorough understanding of what this experience has entailed.)

One minute she was thrilled and excited over finding great bargains at H&M while wearing a stunning white dress and the next minute she is weakly crying for me to come help her as her face turns an equal white, with her skin cold and clammy before she collapses.  As I am a trying to tell her to take some deep breaths, attempting to assess her on whether she pulled out her PICC line, she gives me a confused look, her body starts to jerk and my baby blacks out in my arms... All the while I am screaming for someone to please call 911

Within in a few seconds she regains consciousness but is confused and disoriented and I am able to move her from the bench to the floor to wait for the medics who arrived within minutes.  Ladies, if you want to be surrounded by 8 strong attentive men this is a way to do it!

Later, I knew she was feeling better in the Emergency Room when she lamented over losing out on the clearance bargains she left behind.

Did I tell you this whole process takes a leap of faith?  As I am driving to the Emergency Room I am praying to God, to Jesus Christ, to my higher power to help Dana through this, to help guide us through this process to help us so that we may in turn help others, for that is indeed where I see our purpose.

Later, after it was deemed that Dana was stable and recovering from dehydration, I walked back to the car to get the rest of her clothes to witness the most beautiful majestic sky.  Dana and I have seen some gorgeous sunsets from Gretchen and Lyle's deck but Not this.  This sky was different, the clouds were widespread and painted a bright deep coral and there was a rectangular angled blue streak through them.  Difficult to fully describe but feeling the calm after the storm, I was able to take a moment to Thank God.

Namaste and Carpe Diem